some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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