I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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