my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
