Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
