He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize