She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
