he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
