now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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