Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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