Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
