You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize