Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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