College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
