If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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