Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
