i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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