I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Rumble strips road head = magical
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
