swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
