Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize