I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
