yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Randomize
