he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
