Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
