we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
