you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
sarcasm needs its own font
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
