I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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