Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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