We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
