I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
