Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I deserve this hangover.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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