i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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