I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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