I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's rum buckets o'clock
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
