the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize