ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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