Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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