Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
