how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Green mimosas i think yes
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
