garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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