I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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