Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
did you just send me my own nude
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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