chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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