I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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