I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
