do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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