I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize