He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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