So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
