You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
