honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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