i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
