I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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