Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
