how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize