new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
