just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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