Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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