He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
