he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize