Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
