I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize