he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
