I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
