is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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