so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
