I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
