she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The best revenge is premature balding
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
