last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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