so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
