My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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