Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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