Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
