The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
