I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
