who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
