Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
