he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
