i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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