I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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