dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
