You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
