Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
