yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize