my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
