I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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