dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
