I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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