so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
