dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
