cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
