when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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