let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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