Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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