how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
