I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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