it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
