This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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