Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
