the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
