Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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